The Secret to the “Dating Game”

Photo by Huy Phan on Unsplash

1. Define your ideal candidate

Write down a list of three must-have qualities and three cannot-tolerate qualities. Then, immediately eliminate anyone who does not qualify. These can be physical qualities, but I’d recommended sticking with personality traits, although attraction should definitely still play a role. But a potential candidate must have all three of the first qualities and cannot have any of the last three qualities. This is how hiring specialists narrow down the vast pool of potential employees and it’s how you should start your dating search. Why waste time talking to people if they aren’t qualified as your match?

2. Use a dating litmus test

Let’s say that someone passes the first test with flying colors. That are still too many potential candidates to go on a first date with. So, come up with another small but meaningful test to help you figure out if this person is right for you. Make sure the test can tease out some personality trait or behavior that matters to you, probably related to some activity you really enjoy. This test could also be used to find out if the person has a trait you particularly dislike. A good way to do this is to come up with a hypothetical situation, exactly like a question in a good interview process.

3. DO NOT settle

This is the key to simplifying your search strategy. It may seem tempting and you might even want to change your list or make sacrifices for when someone only fails one part of the tests. But don’t, I repeat, do not ever keep entertaining an unfit candidate. This sort of behavior leads to a slippery slope of maybes and what-ifs that never materialize. Instead, you’ll beat yourself up for falling into the same old trap, feeling gullible and stupid for wasting your time with some horribly wrong-for-you person.

4. Take breaks from the search

And this last step is very important as well. It’s easy to get sucked into the non-stop swipe-for-all game. It’s even addicting and it will drain you. This is one of the major downsides to social media in general — we all make comparisons and start to feel inadequate when compared to our peers. You’ll start to think that it’s somehow you’re fault that you can’t find a match, you’re being too picky, or you’re just doomed to be forever single. When this happens, it’s time to take a break. Don’t let yourself lose faith in the process. Take some time to focus on what makes you happy and remember that life is still wonderful, even without a partner. Go hang out with your best friends, do your favorite activity and get back to dating when you’re ready.

Stories of a former high school teacher, now business consultant. Husband. Travel fanatic. Obsessed coffee drinker. And all-around nerd.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store